That Didn't Just Happen, Did It?
by dhauren
Summary: A Blame it on the Vodka one shot! Copious amount of alcohol leads to the karaoke stylings of Clint Barton and Thor. Tony Stark tweets compromising photos. Steve Rogers blushes. Coulson cleans it all up at the end of the night.


I'm so sorry. I couldn't resist this. Feel free to administer the internet version of a bitchslap.

This takes place between Chapters 26 and 27, and before my one-shot: _Give Me Extra Pepperony, please._

I don't own the characters, yada yada yada. I just own the twisted idea that follows.

* * *

"No." Jane folded her arms across her chest, trying to appear resolute. She was failing miserably, but even Loki would admit that it was hard to resist Thor when the God of Thunder was trying to be 'cute'.

"Please?" How Thor managed to maintain his dignity and manhood with that pleading tone, and the expression to match, was beyond Loki. He was slightly embarrassed for his brother, and he didn't even know what Thor was requesting.

"No," Jane repeated stubbornly. "It's…it's not proper."

"Please my love?" Could Thor's eyes get any bigger? Loki was familiar with the expression 'puppy-dog face', but to see it on a prince of Asgard was faintly nauseating. The wheedling tone made him want to vomit.

Jane Foster was not made of stone. Whatever Thor wanted, she was considering, wavering in her resolve.

"Thor, no. It's just not right."

The pout was too much. "Thor!" Loki protested.

The pout swung toward him. "Yes brother?"

"Man up, as Darcy would say. You are practically wearing lace panties at this point." Loki drew himself up to his full height. "You are a prince of Asgard. You do not beg, you do not whine and you do not pout." He suddenly remembered begging Darcy to finish eating her banana split, and revised his statement. "Outside of the bedroom, you do not beg, whine or pout!"

Jane Foster squealed with laughter, clapping both hands over her mouth as her cheeks turned red. "Oh my god, Loki. You can't say things like that!"

"Of course I can," he replied loftily. "Is it not true? Or do you not tease and tantalize my brother?" He smirked. "Darcy is quite the tease, you know."

Jane shrieked again, and covered her ears while squeezing her eyes shut. Loki shrugged and laughed at his brother. Thor's puppy dog face was evaporating.

"You are ruining my chances, Loki."

"What is it that you want, Thor?"

The God of Thunder considered it carefully, and grimaced. "I believe that I will not share it with you at this time. You have a special way of withering a person's self regard that I do not wish to experience right now."

True. Loki smiled. "Very well. Take your little games elsewhere, brother. I do not wish to see you unman yourself any further. You are a prince. Command!"

Thor raised an eyebrow. "How well does that work with Darcy?"

Loki deflated. "Not really at all. She has me completely wrapped around her littlest finger, and she delights in torturing me."

"And if you want something from her that is not bedroom related?" Thor prompted.

Well that was just unfair. "I might have a special face that I bring out for the occasion."

The God of Thunder glared. "Then hold you silver tongue, brother."

"Fine. But please do not make your puppy dog face in front of me."

Thor snorted, and took Jane by the arm, tugging her away. Loki briefly wondered what Thor desired, but it soon passed out of his head.

* * *

Two days later, in an attempt to blow off some steam after recent events, Tony Stark threw a party. He had cases of alcohol delivered, along with tons of catered food and a DJ. Loki got a phone call that ordered him to be there, and instructed him to bring the mischief.

Loki met Darcy at the mansion. Even from outside, he could hear the thumping music, and he winced. "Is it bad?"

Darcy looked mildly shell shocked. "Um, yeah. College kids have nothing on Tony Stark when he wants to party. Bruce already took off for parts unknown. It was a little much for him. Tasha is just sitting there watching, with that same expression she always has. Poor Rogers almost exploded when the dancing girls came out of nowhere. Jane has this disapproving look on her face, and Thor is just soaking it all up." She rolled her eyes. "Barton is having the time of his life."

That sounded like Clint Barton. Loki steeled himself, offered his arm to Darcy, and together they walked through the doors.

"Loki! The God of Mischief!"

Stark was standing on a stage, with a microphone in his hands. There were quite a few non-S.H.I.E.L.D persons in attendance. It looked like Stark had opened his party to the public.

A spotlight swung to light up Loki and Darcy, and a glitter bomb exploded over their heads, showering them with glitter. Beside the stage, Barton was practically howling with laughter while Pepper just sighed.

"Loki!" Stark yelled again. He was already quite intoxicated, Loki noticed. "You are the man!"

Darcy dug an elbow into Loki's side. "Wow. It's gotten worse."

So it seemed. Loki crossed the room, shaking off glitter with every step. He ushered Darcy to the bar, to join Thor and Jane.

Darcy was worried. "Nick is gonna lose his shit when he hears about this."

"He has not been informed yet?" Loki found that hard to believe.

"He's chasing down something over in Europe. He wouldn't tell Coulson what it was, he just took off." Darcy frowned up at the inebriated Iron Man. "Pepper doesn't seem too worried."

Pepper was watching Tony carefully, but doing nothing to stop his antics. Her time had been almost completely monopolized with public appearances and press conferences since being rescued, to assure the public that she was not dead. Stark had been growing increasingly agitated about it. A reporter had caught him earlier in the day, and Tony had just exploded when asked about it. He told the world to butt out, and leave them in peace. He knew that wouldn't happen, but that's what he wanted.

Stark was bellowing Loki's name again, and everyone was looking at him expectantly, so Loki created some harmless illusionary fireworks. The crowd sighed in appreciation, and Stark grew almost blubbery.

"Awe man. Loki, you're the best, man. I never would have believed we would be friends, but…you're just too cool not to be friends with. You totally had my back the other day. Appreciate it man."

Loki raised a glass of vodka he had procured from the bartender and nodded at Stark. Then, because he was the God of Mischief, he changed Barton's plain black shirt to hot pink. The archer grunted in surprise, blinked blearily at himself in the mirrored wall, and preened a little. The crowd tittered, and Stark woohooed.

* * *

Coulson and several S.H.I.E.L.D agents had managed to quietly, over the course of several hours, escort all non-S.H.I.E.L.D partiers out of the party. Stark was pretty much oblivious to it. He was too busy trying to dance and drink. Pepper kept a quiet vigil close to him, but allowed him to cut loose.

Loki was a bit inebriated. Not too much, not like the other night, but he was quite happy. Darcy herself was a little loopy, and very affectionate, he discovered. Several times he had to remove her hands from under his clothes. Of course, then it just seemed like a brilliant idea to run his hand under her clothes, and only Steve Rogers' sudden intervention kept them from getting undressed in public. They hadn't had much alone time recently, with as crazy as everything had been, and they both were itching for some horizontal time.

Thor and Barton had commandeered Stark's microphone, and regaled everyone with some very entertaining karaoke. Their rendition of Sonny and Cher's _I Got You Babe_ was only slightly overshadowed by their enthusiastic, if unskilled, performance on The Veronica's _Take Me on the Floor._ Loki could have lived out the rest of his life without enduring his brother's falsetto during that song.

Barton reached his alcohol tolerance level and slumped to the floor, leaving Thor alone in the spotlight. Thor apparently didn't want to sing without his karaoke partner, so used the time to tell everyone left in the room how much he loved Jane.

"She is so wonderful to me," he confessed in a voice that was only slightly slurred. "I am sometimes challenging and arrogant, but my Jane forgives me!"

Jane, sitting on a bar stool near Loki and Darcy, beamed up at her man. She had consumed more alcohol than her thin frame could process, and she was swiftly headed toward sleep, head bobbing on her neck.

"My Jane even gives me presents," Thor confessed. "Even when she thinks I shouldn't have what I want because it is not suitable."

It took Loki a minute or two to process the fact that while Thor was still rambling, he was also unbuttoning his jeans. That was probably a really bad idea, and Loki said as much to Darcy.

She seemed to sober up immediately. "Oh holy shit! He's stripping. Thor's stripping! Jane! Foster! Wake the hell up! Your man is about to be pantless onstage."

Before Jane could respond, Tony Stark saw it happening from the dance floor, and roared his approval "Go Thor!"

Steve Rogers bolted for the stage, to try to preserve Thor's modesty, but he was slightly too late. Thor managed to unbutton his jeans and shove them down to his ankles, proudly showing off his bright yellow, Joe Boxer smiley-face boxers. He plucked at the waistband, and smiled at Jane.

"Are they not fine? It was not fitting that such a petty man like Justin Hammer wore such happy undergarments. I will do honor to them. Thank you again, my Jane!"

The sight of Thor in his yellow finery seemed to rouse Barton somewhat. The archer sat up a little, clapped his hands, and gave a few wolf whistles. Then he crashed back out on the stage. Stark hooted in appreciation, and took a few pictures with his phone, promising something about Twitter, which caused Darcy to giggle madly against Loki's side.

Rogers finally reached the stage, and stood in front of Thor, blocking everyone's view. The captain was blushing as he reached back for the microphone. Thor gave it up with a beaming smile, and waved to the wide eyed crowd that was thankfully composed of only Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D agents or staff.

"Nice boxers!" Stark bellowed. Beside him, Pepper was shaking her head, eyes wide.

Loki was still thinking his way through what had just happened. "Is Thor wearing smiley face boxers?" he asked. He felt…blurry.

Darcy's eyes were wide. "Yeah. He really is. At least the regular people got cleared out before he dropped his pants. Hey Jane? You might want to wrestle Thor back into his pants now."

Jane managed to stumble her way to the stage, step around the madly blushing Rogers, and pull Thor's jeans up. He tried to say something to her, but Jane shook her head and placed a finger to his lips. She took him by the arm, and led him down off the stage and to the door.

Stark stumbled to the stage and took the microphone from Steve Rogers. "And…that's a wrap, folks! We can't possibly top Thor's performance." He grinned a drunk, loopy smile. "Thanks for coming to my party!"

That was a cue to everyone to disperse. Coulson had two S.H.I.E.L.D agents haul Barton to his feet and drag him out, while Natasha followed. The Widow still held her same expression, although the corners of her mouth were turned up a little.

Pepper ducked under Tony's arm and led him toward the door. Stark was swaying from side to side, but he was happy.

Darcy stood in front of Loki, staring up into his eyes. "How are you doing, hotstuff?"

"I am a frost giant," he reminded, speaking slowly and carefully. "I am not hot!"

Darcy's hands worked their way up under his shirt. She leaned forward to catch his lips, tasting of grape vodka. "You are smoking," she breathed. "And I really want to quench you."

That sounded really good to Loki. "Are you trying to seduce me?" he asked, pulling away from her mouth.

Darcy nipped at his chin. "I don't have to try very hard, do I?" She hooked a finger in the belt loop of his jeans, spun around, and started towing him toward the door. Bemused, Loki allowed himself to be led. He smiled broadly at Coulson as they passed the agent, and headed out into the night.

The next morning, Darcy showed him the Twitter post Stark had made of Thor's proud boxer moment. The God of Thunder's face had been blurred out, and the only caption indicated that some people shouldn't drink in public.

Loki thought that maybe they should all steer clear of the alcohol for awhile. Or at least until after Fury saw the photo and got the briefing from Coulson.


End file.
